She calls it her «robot boyfriend,» and she already convinced one of her friends to buy one too.
I was having a cocktail (or three) with my mom when, together, we stumbled upon the fact that my father—her husband of almost 30 years, her high school sweetheart, and the only person she’s ever ~gotten down~ with—has never, well, ~gotten down~ on her. (And yes, she does so for him. I asked.)
Cue audible gasp.
Listen, my mom and I are close, but not that close. We’ve always kept a healthy parent-child relationship. My parents’ sex life was a red-light, don’t-go-there topic of discussion—that is, until I heard this. And suddenly, it became an issue of feminism; of equality; of closing the orgasm gap.
Even though we’d crossed one line, I wasn’t about to go leapfrogging over them all and play sex counselor for my parents. If I couldn’t change this issue from the inside, I was going to change it from the outside.
Enter: Robot boyfriend.
As a wellness writer and editor (which includes sexual health—duh), I get the #blessed experience of trying out loads of sex toys. I had the Satisfyer Pro 2 (Buy It, $33, amazon.com) in my not-yet-opened stash, and after the aforementioned conversation, I decided it would have a better home in, well, my childhood home. So I threw it in a box, mailed it to my mom, and waited for a text.
I figured, if I couldn’t ensure my mom was getting oral (seriously WHAT am I writing right now?!), at least I could ensure she was getting a taste of the experience. See, the Satisfyer Pro 2 is a clit-suction-style sex toy, which means it uses air-pulsing technology to provide feelings of suction and pulsations to mimic a mouth. While it’s clearly never going to be the real thing, many people love it (and other toys like it) because it provides a similar sensation to oral sex.
I had to follow up with her a few times to see if she actually used it—and she admitted that it took a little while to find exactly the right spot. But once she did, I got a simple, yet very affirming «wow» from her. Soon after, she reported back that she’d even been talking to her friends about her new toy (which she appropriately nicknamed her «Robot Boyfriend»), and one of them was so convinced she bought one for herself. I mean, at such an affordable price, it’s not a risky purchase; if my BFF came to me with a glowing review about a $30 sex toy, I’d probably buy one too.
She’s not the only one who’s obsessed: 1,700 five-star reviews on Amazon also praise this toy for a wow-worthy experience. In the words of one reviewer, an «exorcism [is] needed after using this bad mamma jamma.» Another reviewer even shared that «I cried because it’s changed my life,» and, honestly, you need to read the rest:
«I have always had an incredibly difficult time reaching completion…My partner and I are on year 5 of our relationship and it’s always been a source of frustration and guilt that my participation is done solely for him…I had tried so many different things and was at the end of my emotional rope thinking I’m going to be participating in sex I don’t enjoy (through no fault of his skill or effort) for the rest of my life. Fast forward to this device…I swear to all that is holy I finished two, TWO, back to back Os in under 20 minutes. Which for me is a GD miracle…I cried and then decided to write this review. For any woman who is out there suffering and has tried it all please buy this. I know it’s changed my life in one night and saved my marriage from the slow death of intimacy.»
— AMAZON REVIEWER
And, while I’m still hesitant to become any more involved in my parents’ sex life, I did get an update on the non-Robot Boyfriend front: My dad apparently got jealous of my mom’s new beau and stepped up. Mission freaking accomplished.
So, yeah, this $30 sex toy might give you countless climaxes, but it just might change your relationship with your orgasm and your partnered sex life too, and that’s damn pretty powerful. It’s incredible to think that a piece of plastic or silicone with a motor can have such a profound effect on someone’s self-worth—and, for me, that in itself is so worth any awkwardness or the unsolicited mental images I will now forever have in my head. (Though, for the record, my mom and I are absolutely closer now because of it.)
If you know someone who scoffs at sex toys (or sex in general) or maybe could use a little self-empowerment magic in their life, think about giving them a sex toy. It just might be the nudge they need to get what they want in the bedroom and in life.